Monthly Archives: March 2012

Day 89

Thursday 29.03.2012

Today I am concerned, disappointed, sad.

I was talking to an older woman the other day, I won’t say where or who she was, but what she said has really disturbed me. I do not know her well, and now I have no plans to speak with her again, particularly not in the presence of my children.

We were sitting amongst a group of people, (children and adults) and as it is Archie’s birthday this weekend, I was setting out a cake for them all to share and celebrate. I was lighting the candles, and Eli (my 2 year old sitting next to Arch) was trying to sneak the m&ms off the top of the cake. Okay, that’s not a desirable behavior by any means, but come on, what kid within reaching distance wouldn’t give it a go?  Anyway, she started with a comment about Eli and how he was nicking the lollies from the top of the cake. This was directed at myself. Harmless, I laughed it off.

She then went on to tell her granddaughter, loud enough for everyone to hear, that “boys are always naughty, never do what they are asked to do and are always getting into trouble. They can’t help it.” She explained to her little granddaughter. “Boys” She spitefully laughed at this, and then shaking her head “Always getting into mischief, they are just trouble, trouble, trouble!” I looked at her little granddaughter, quietly sitting on her lap. Listening intently to what her beloved grandmother was saying, nodding along, taking it all in. She then directed her statements at some of the surrounding women, I missed the exact wording but I’m pretty sure the words “Destructive”, “Awful” and “Creatures” formed part of her next rant.

Shock! What the hell do I say to that? Nothing,… I said nothing. I zipped my lips as all those sayings my parents sprouted at me as a child started rolling down my vision. “Don’t bother with people who don’t deserve your bother.” You know,…. all those sayings. It’s been bugging me, not only what she said, but the way it was said. Everything she said was dripping with spite, contempt and disgust.

I couldn’t look at her, but I’m sure my eyes were wide with shock as I got on with letting my little boy enjoy his birthday cake. Couldn’t she have just let him be sung his song, blow out the candles and enjoy the bloody cake, without having a dig at him, and every other boy in that room?

Her words hurt me, more than she knew at the time, and more than she will ever know. In her opinion her words were not only true, but FACT and INDISPUTABLE. She was drawing a very hard line in the sand. Boys = Bad, Girls = Good.

*Sigh*

I’ve had this on my mind for a long time, as this is just one of many, many times something like this has been said to me.”He’s just a boy” “Boys hey? Dirty little things.” “You’ve got your hands full”, “3 boys. No wonder you’re not fat.” “That’s just what boys do.” “Boys are slower than girls.” “Noisy, Loud, Naughty.” “Menace.” Most are said in jest, some are not.

As a mother of 3 boys I am saddened by the seemingly common, negative perception of male children within the community, particularly coming from older women in the 50 – 80 age groups. I know that the majority of women in this group do not think like this, and that it is just a few who do. But it is far too common for my liking, I wish I could help them to see how very wrong they are, how much damage they could do.

What choice does a boy have growing up with the influence of these women? He has no choice, he will become what he is told he is. “Trouble, mischief, naughty. He can’t help it.” If you tell someone often enough….

Is this what the little girl sitting on her grandmothers lap, listening to her words, will grow up to believe? That boys are bad, then eventually that men are bad. For her sake I sincerely hope not.

As for the woman whose words have encouraged this post, I wonder about her. I pity her. I am glad she is not my mother or my mother in law. Where did this venom for boys come from? Why did she think ‘I’ needed to hear this? She is missing out on so much joy by being tainted with her hate. She is so wrong. Has she never known the beauty of laying a little boy to bed, tucking him under his blue blanket and watching him doze? Has she never rocked a little baby dressed in blue, held him to her breast and dreamed a dream of hope and pride for him? Has she never known the gentle touch of a man, sensitive and kind, who possesses the strength of two of her? The sense of security he provides her just by being there?

I’ll continue to tell my boys that they are clever, handsome, funny and make me smile. I’ll keep telling them that they CAN achieve and succeed. I’ll keep telling them that they can be themselves and to be happy with who they are. I’ll keep telling them that they are strong, and I’ll keep encouraging them to be gentle and kind.

I don’t see my job as looking after naughty boys, or putting up with their awfulness, like this woman has insinuated. I am in love with three little people, they are all boys, and I am doing the best I can to raise them to be good men.

Woman, with the closed mind, you are so wrong and I pity you.

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Day 88

Wednesday 28.03.2012

This post is all about William.

William is an incredible child. He is intelligent, gorgeous, funny, kind, and lively. He is such a happy child, full of wonder at the world and a questioning mind. He can also be very serious at times and a deep thinker. When he was first held in my arms I knew he had been here before. He knows so much about people and the way they work it astounds me. He keeps a lot of this to himself and really only lets things out when it’s just me and him hanging out together quietly. He still loves a good snuggle and tells me every day that he loves me, many times. I love that he can still be my little baby boy even though he is quickly growing.

He has grown so much lately, his body has become lanky and long. He is becoming more masculine and strong. His mind is changing too as he matures. So smart, he is very aware of the world around him, the people in it, and some things just come so easy to him. He notices things that many others would over look. He will often point out things as we drive along that he thinks that I would like, a flower bush full of blooms, a pretty sunset or a cool tree. In the shops he will point out a cute baby and say “awww isn’t she cute!” Or notice a disabled person and wonder “what happened? He might have been in an accident. I hope he gets better soon.” He won’t stare or point, but be genuinely concerned for the person.

William is a complex personality. He is very loud here at home but can be quiet when we are around strangers, but he loves the limelight and attention. He is prone to moodiness and can give me serious attitude at times. He can be sneaky sometimes too, if he thinks he can get away with it, but he can be the kindest most sweet person I’ve ever met at times. He sometimes shocks me with his thoughtfulness. He likes to make other people happy. If you are happy, he is happy.

These pictures below could possibly be my most favorite I’ve ever taken. They show his “sides” and exactly how I seem him, through my own eyes.

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Day 87

Tuesday 27.03.2012

This post is all about Eli.

He is our youngest, he is seriously cheeky! Because he is the littlest he gets away with a fair bit, not just by Adam and I but from William too. He is clever and knows how to get what he wants, when he wants it.

He likes being the baby of the family. We ask him if he is a big boy or a baby and he replies without hesitation “I Eli, I baby.” It is making toilet training difficult because he doesn’t want to be a big boy like Will and Arch. He loves watermelon and chocolate, and will do nearly anything to get either of them. See previous post about sneaking watermelon out of the fridge.
He is a groover, and adores music. He loves to dance and sing, and has suprised us over the last few months with his ability to recall lyrics of songs and to sing them in tune.

He is very busy most of the time, but can be a real lay-about at times too. If I let him watch movies all day, he would. He would just lay there, not sitting but lying down, glued to the screen.

At two, he is going through some not so pleasant stages and moods, as he sorts out the world around him. I’m confident he will come out the other side of 2 and be a delightful 3 year old.

One thing about Eli is that he loves attention. He will go out of his way to make a joke or do something funny so that we will look at him and laugh. He loves it, drinks it all in. He is developing into quite the little character. Or course we all adore him,  his big smile is incredibly infectious. He is a happy, cruisy type of kid, and I imagine he is going to be fairly easy going type of person as he grows.

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Day 86

Monday 26.03.2012

Today is all about Archie. He loves to build things, he has such an analytical mind. His ability with puzzles astounds me. He follows complex instructions and to make really cool Lego figurines and models. He thinks like his Daddy does. Routine is calming for him, change is hard. He likes things to be just how they should be, unchanging and steady.

With meals he can be picky. He gets upset when food doesn’t come out of the “right” packet, or is slightly different. He loves mac and cheese, every day he asks for it for dinner. He knows he has to wait until Friday but he stills asks, just in case.

He is a very sweet boy, he would sit and cuddle with me all day if he could. There isn’t a sneaky or sly bone in his body. He is cheeky, clever, and kind. He has a wonderfully delightful smile, and the giggle that follows makes my heart sing. He is our most serious boy of the three, more prone to moodiness than the others, but has such a clever wit. He is a deep thinker, often coming back to us after thinking long and hard about something, and we often find ourselves doubled over laughing the many funny things he says.

He loves to make things, anything really. Lego, collages, towers, tracks. Today he made a cardboard robot, I love that it stands up all by itself. He spent most of the morning making it and then the rest of the day playing with it.

 

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Day 85

Sunday 25.03.2012

Ooohh! Cheeky monkeys! Busted!

Sneaking the watermelon out of the fridge and eating it with their fingers, then bending down and biting it straight from the melon.

Anyone would think I never feed them. I do, feed them that is, for those who are wondering… often, and a lot. What a mess…..

 

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Day 84

Saturday 24.03.2012

These boys are so alike. Personality, cheekiness, noise levels. They know how to rev each other up and just love doing it too. William spoils Eli rotten, and gets so much joy out of making him laugh his little head off. William will often say to me “Oh I just love his cheeky grin.” or “He’s so cute!” Eli is Wills little shadow. He just adores him, always seeking him out to climb on his back or ask him to open a sneaky chocolate for him.

They wrestle, Will tries to be gentle, Eli doesn’t.

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Day 83

23.03.2012

Possibly some of my favourite photos of these two together, ever. Sitting in their dressing gowns all clean and fresh after a bath, reading Revolting Rhymes.

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Day 82

22.03.2012

Eli just LOVES cars. He carries around a tub full of them all day long. When we go somewhere in the car he always tries to sneak the tub in as well, but it’s huge and he can barely lift it up into the 4wd. I made him a playmat that we can take with us to places that require no crazy running around boys. Like doctors surgeries and the like. It lays flat when unfolded, but folds up into a book shape with handles for easy carrying. It has a track that he can drive his cars on, little tunnels to drive through and a garage for parking the cars in and for storage. It has little embroider cars and trees on it. It’s very cute, I’m a bit happy with it, but I am stoked that he loves it so much. I love to make things for the boys, it’s a bit of a hobby and I just love it when I’m making something and it is being played with before I’ve even finished. It just goes to show you don’t have to spend a fortune to find things for the kids to enjoy. I like to upcycle my materials and this was made from an old doona cover I found in Salvos, and other scraps. It cost me the cotton and a few needles because I kept breaking them lol. But that’s it, it’s very satisfying turning something unwanted and unused into something that is loved and brings much joy.

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Day 81

21.03.2012

The reality of having three boys (Will was at school) and two of them being between 2 1/2 and 4 years. Any man on  the ground is fair game for climbing, jumping on and wrestling. Boys… it’s just not the same when it’s Mummy playing. Dad is just better at the hands on stuff. It’s so funny, they all make me laugh.

 

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Day 80

20.03.2012

Ad had a long last night, after a huge mix up with the system they have been updating (no fault of his), he had to stay up all night and fix it. He came to bed as I was rising for the day. So he went off to bed and woke at lunch, then spent the afternoon playing with the two boys who were home. Arch wanted to play cricket so Ad would toss the ball and he would hit it. He was so proud of himself when he finally connected and laughed his little head off when Ad went flying backwards to catch it.

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